My Mother inlaw passed away in May and my sister in law has been with me to clean out the house that I own..It is bad shape. I do care for foster kids and I was unable to care for the kids while my sister inlaw was here she went home yesterday. Because of her I lost a big share of my income and am unable to pay for my utilities and bills. I was to nice to tell her to leave. She took her time cleaning out the hoouse and did not want me to help. I have been trying to get a loan to fix the house and to pay my bills. But my credit is bad and the banks are taking their time gettin back to me..I have ran out of patients. It has been since march that I last SI. I have a difficult time wanting to when I go to bed and my mind finally trys to rest. I keep preventing it for one more day. I am not sure I can do that anymore. I grit my teeth and cause a headach because of my anxiety. I am on meds but I dont like the sadation they give you. I do talk to a theripist and have a case worker although I didnt get to see them this week. I tend not to tell them of how I really feel, it is difficult for me and I hold it all in until boom I cant take it anymore. I have finally figured out what my trigers are and I know other skill I could do but I am running out of other skills. I just needed to vent thanks. Well I do enjoy all of your posts they keep me stronger then I think I am.