One of my short-term goals was to apologize less. Needless to say, it’s not going that well. Everything I do, I feel as if I do it wrong, and that it will never be good enough. I even feel sorry for my family that I have depression. I feel like the most selfish person in the world, because in my eyes, I have no reason to have these issues. And I hate myself for it. I look in the mirror everyday and see my scars and hate myself and hate myself and hate myself. I look at myself and wonder how could I do this to myself? But inevitably, I find myself falling into the same patterns, desperatly searching for the same release in SI. And Everytime I see my injuries or whatever I have done this time, all I can feel is that I deserve every. Single. One. And I deserve the pain and the shame, and then I hurt myself more. It’s a vicious cycle and I am completly stuck.