Lately, I have really been struggling with something more than ever before. I have hated myself for many years, and have felt like nothing but a bother for most of the time. Most of the stuff I did bothered my mom, so I became afraid that I would just bother everyone else just like I bothered her. It was hard for me to ask for help because I didn’t want to upset anyone. Now, since I have remembered that traumatic event, all of this has increased a lot more, with something else added on top of it. If someone says something extra kind to me, or goes out of their way to do something that is extremely kind for me, I feel too terrible to deserve it. I feel like I should just be left alone and that nobody should have to put up with someone like me. I was asking myself why in the world anyone would want to put up with me, and I seriously think God must have stepped in at that point, because this thought just popped in to my head. “How many times have you been there for other people, and you are more than willing to walk alongside them and help them out? Don’t you think it’s time to let those who love you and want to be there for you walk alongside you and help you out, just as you have done for others?” It is so hard for me to accept kindness from others that I know I give to them. I know in my heart I am not a terrible person. I just think I am because of the verbal abuse I went through as a child and now because of this recent traumatic event that I have remembered.