Well, I’ve always wanted a blog, although I never thought it would be this. I’m filled with a small, albeit sad hope (because it took a tear-ridden intervention with my mother to realize the full extent of my problems) that this is going to help alot. Infact, I’m counting this as my first official step to recovery, and while I cannot see very far ahead, I can tell now that it is going to be a very long and bumpy road. My therapist may beg to differ that this is my first step, but while I can sit in a tiny, comfily decorated room for two hours, sort of listening to the nice lady (and she is nice, bless her) tell me why I need to be happy or to myself droning on and on about how I’m convinced my bio I teacher hates me, its different when I can talk to people who know what its like to……who know what its like. But, Oh! The ever present difficulties of talking. People are always begging me to open up a little bit, mostly my mom, but i feel like when ever I do, I get shot down. And then after all the ensuing arguments and hateful comments from my “friends” i generally tend to fall back into my old habits of keeping quiet. I know this hurts my family, and i hate that more than anything, but I just can’t bring myself to talk about it. I guess old habits die hard.