Alright so I’ve been nearly a month SI free and it’s been REALLY hard! I’m trying extremely hard to keep it together, but it’s hard to not think about relapsing.
I keep thinking back to it and remembering SIing, I just don’t get why people are so ashamed of their scars. I’m not gonna flaunt them everywhere, but why should I be ashamed of the one reason I’m still ALIVE?!?!?! I seriously get people not opening up to people about it, I do it to, but clothes to hide it… I don’t think so! These thoughts keep running through my mind, why is it so bad that we’ve done/do this to ourselves? Society puts us down by calling us “emo” and “attention seeking” and everyone just takes it and lets it hurt them, but why? We were strong and found the only way we could to STAY strong for the ones we love and ourselves. Yes, we could find an alternative, but at the time all we could think about was the relief SIing brings us. “Just stopping” isn’t easy.
I promise I’m getting somewhere with this… I just want to know if there are GOOD alternatives for me to tell others about (and for me to try) because I don’t really know of any. I know I went on a little rant there, but I had to vent… I don’t want to be ashamed of what I’ve done and don’t want others to either.
It is so hard to just know that if people see what I’ve done, they are going to ask me what happened. It’s those judgmental, non-understanding people that make it so hard. I judge myself enough and hate myself enough, and I don’t need help from anyone else. I agree 100% with what you are saying. Believe me, I do. However, it is so much easier said than done. I just hope that one day, I will be able to get comfortable with myself again. I think that your view on this is very good, and gives me a challenge of sorts. (smile)
I tend not to hide scars unless im around children. I changed where I do that sort of thing, so newer scars stay hidden. Adults or teens can learn from it. It was what kept me alive. It kept me going. It was the only thing that worked for a while, but children don’t need to know that. I don’t want tl be responsible for introducing that behavior to someone, or scaring. Little kid.
A little kid saw mine once, and I convinced her I had to fight for my life with a cougar. Sort of true, but when she kisssed me and hugged me and told me she was sorry a cougar tried to hurt me, Iwwanted to cry, but I had to turn it into a joke for her sake.
Long rant summarized: don’t be ashamed, but don’t be reckless.