I have been relapsing for a long time now, probably a few months, but I haven’t been on this website for more than half a year. I think that I’ve been avoiding this website because I use this website to help me get rid of my guilt when I’m trying to get better. And I still feel the guilt that I get after I self harm, but I’ve stopped trying to get better. I like how I feel when I self harm, even though the aftermath is filled with guilt, and anger, and sadness. One of the reasons why I haven’t been trying to stop is because I feel closer to two of my friends because of this. All three os us self harm, and we have done it together. It felt horrible and wonderful at the same time- a contradictory feeling that I want to feel again. I know that I shouldn’t want to feel like that again, but I do. I feel accepted for my problems, and I think that maybe all three of us feel that way. I don’t know. But what I do know is that I am not trying to get better, and I don’t hate myself anymore, because I have finally admitted it to myself.