I try to contain my jealous feelings, count my blessing and consider myself lucky for all that wonderful things that I have. But sometimes…well, I just can’t help it. I am not sure where the jealousy comes from. I guess I know why. Its the usual – I want want others have. I want to feel special and accomplished. I want someone to recognize me. I want to have the things that I dream of having (nothing to grand – just the basics that seem to come with adulthood, like a house).
I really am so thankful for what I do have. I know sometimes I lose sight of that. But sometimes it still hurts to long for something that I can’t have right now. Then I feel bad for having such negative thoughts and not being genuinely happy for others – which leads to the SI. I am happy others are doing well, but… sometimes it is hard. I am striving for things, and when others get it first I feel that little ping of jealousy and a little bit like a failure.
How do you deal with jealousy?
I too, have problems with jealousy, but they are slightly different than yours. For me, I get jealous when I see a parent comforting their child, because I did not get much of that growing up, and I feel very sad. Like you, I feel very bad for that jealous feeling, because I feel that I should be happy for them (and I should). I also get jealous when I see some of my really good friends hanging out with someone else and I feel totally ignored and alone, and I hate that about me too. Such situations sometimes leave me feeling sad, because I have been ignored for a long time and I hate feeling alone. I think you and I may struggle with this jealous feeling because such things are what I call “nasty reminders” of what we either did not get or do not have. I do think that you are right in saying that we should be happy for others. One thing I ask myself is: “Would I want someone else to have what I had or am dealing with right now?” My answer, of course, is no, because I would never want people to feel ignored, alone, or not comforted (my reasons for being jealous of others). So, I can at least feel somewhat better that I would never ever in a million years want such things for others. I think that jealousy is something that we all struggle with, some of us more than others. I think you may have hit on something in your post though: feeling like a failure because someone gets something before you do. Perhaps it’s that feeling of failure that you might want to start with? Maybe when you figure out how to deal with that, the jealousy might disappear? I’m saying this because there are similarities in both your reasons for jealousy and mine: a deeper feeling underneath that. So, maybe we need to work on our deeper feelings first? Just some thoughts that came to me as I was writing this out (smile).
I certainly know the feeling that comes when I see parents comfort their children. That is on a whole other level for me.
I just remind myself that it is a very human feeling and I try to be happy for the other people.
Thanks for your thoughts.