Today will be 37 days free of self-injury if I don’t allow myself to relapse tonight. The past three or four nights this week have been really hard for me as far as avoiding relapse goes. I haven’t had anything especially traumatic happen so I know that there isn’t anything really obvious causing me to come so close to relapse. I’m just so tired of trying to resist the urges and I really want to give in. I hate the position that I’m in right now though. I think that I’m really close to having a relationship with a guy and I don’t want to let relapsing mess it up. He knows that I struggle with self-injury but he’s not entirely sympathetic of it because he’s overcome substance addictions and he sees those as being significantly harder than my battle with self-injury. I don’t want him to think that I’m weak for giving into the urge but I really want to give in tonight. I’m trying to resist for him but at the same time I feel like it’s futile because if I build up my resistance to self-injury through him then if he drops out of the picture for any reason I’m bound to lose my ability to resist the urges all over again. I feel so trapped and I set myself up for this earlier today. I knew exactly what I was doing but I allowed myself to do it anyway. I watched some really triggering stuff online earlier today and I can’t get it out of my head. It’s just hanging there at the edge of all my thoughts, pushing me to relapse. I’m torn, part of me really wants to give in and to let myself be overcome by self-injury and then there’s the other part that’s pushing to make this day 37 and to keep pushing on. I don’t know what to do … I’ve exhausted my resources and I think that I may let the urge win tonight, there’s just not enough of me left to say no and to push it off completely.