Relationships, ANY relationship, is typically difficult on at least some level. But having the opportunity to start over with someone you care about so much, is a whole new level of difficult. This year being half over already, I feel like I don’t even know where to start from anymore. This year has not at all been the way I imagined it to be. For the most part I’m OK with that. I feel like I’m doing much better with my Issues and SI than I ever really have before. I had a really good heart with one of my closest friends the other night. We had one of those priceless open hearted discussions about life, things that we’ve been through and it really reminded me of some positive things that I had been overlooking. It reminded me that even with all of the issues left to work out, I have someone back in my life who gave me something no one else has ever been able to give me before: self- security. I can e myself, good bad and ugly. We talk about everything openly and freely, and discuss our struggles together. I cherish that. And I’m so glad to have that back. I’ve missed feeling Real. Its hard when for the better part of your life you’re made to feel like a lesser person, a weaker-than, invisible. Then one day, there’s one person that makes you magically visible. But when they disappear and come back, even that becomes cloudy. I’ve literally had to always be my own Fighter, so its really hard to have someone try to do that for me, or ever try to BE THERE for me. Right now, as it stands I’m trying to accept me for me as the person I’ve become and make changes to be the person I wanna be, only more secure. Trying to see that I don’t have to worry about every little thing and if things fall apart, that its OK, and there is a tomorrow after that. If I can reach that point where I could let go of the Fear of not having a planned outcome for every possible future for myself, i think I would be OK, just maybe..