I think my therapist thinks I’m too dependent. I am, but no more than I have ever been. It’s because she went out of town and didn’t tell me and I left multiple voicemails crying and yelling and saying how I can’t believe she didn’t warn me she was leaving and I was upset and blah blah blah…of course later I regretted this. I felt stupid. This character trait is how I lost so many close friends a few years ago and all my teenage years. I drain people, I am too much. She said she doesn’t know how to help me right now, she said the way I’m acting is how I was acting when I walked in to residential treatment almost two years ago. If course I’m dependent. Did we not know that? I always have been, I am always looking for comfort, and it’s a never ending search because people get sick of me and my neediness. I hate me right now. I HATE me. I hate my addiction and I hate how I need people and I hate how weak I am. All the things she said are true, and she said them gently…but they felt like my heart was being torn out and I feel SO stupid. I called later to clarify, because everything she said was negative and like I’m a failure and I never want to go back. Oh but I do. She never responded, which is unusual…Her office is my comfort. Sitting there in that tiny space holding the left pillow tight. I am so embarrassed. I’ve pushed it too far just like I’ve pushed everyone too far since I was a teenager. I thought I was better and here I am at 26 still pushing too far, loosing people by my own fault. I’m so sensitive and lost.