I stood in the middle of my room last night staring in the mirror after i got off work trying to convince myself i didnt need si. I literally stood there and looked myself in the eye and told myself I could go the night with out it. I felt crazy. I felt dumb for having to talk to myself, for having to force myself to back down. And I did. Sure Im proud I didnt si. I slept lousy. I felt crummy when I woke up. But I didnt si. Sometimes i think thats not worth it. I have so much to do in one day that a bad nights sleep just isnt an option. I want to si again tonight, Im not going to, mainly because my family is still awake. So whatever the reason I havnt for two nights. Maybe the tattoo really is working. Maybe knowing its there is really helping me. Idk. All I know is the first thought I had this morning was “I hate myself.” Will this self loathing ever end???