I stood in the middle of my room last night staring in the mirror after i got off work trying to convince myself i didnt need si.  I literally stood there and looked myself in the eye and told myself I could go the night with out it.  I felt crazy.  I felt dumb for having to talk to myself, for having to force myself to back down.  And I did.  Sure Im proud I didnt si.  I slept lousy.  I felt crummy when I woke up.  But  I didnt si.  Sometimes i think thats not worth it.  I have so much to do in one day that a bad nights sleep just isnt an option.  I want to si again tonight, Im not going to, mainly because my family is still awake.  So whatever the reason I havnt for two nights.   Maybe the tattoo really is working.  Maybe knowing its there is really helping me.  Idk.  All I know is the first thought I had this morning was “I hate myself.”  Will this self loathing ever end???