Okay this is too much in two weeks. What is going on?

It’s insane I actually think I am happier than I have been in a very long time so why am I doing this? It makes no sense to me. Maybe I am afraid to be happy. Maybe I don’t know what to do when things get a little uncomfortable between me and the boyfriend. Logically I understand that things cannot always be perfect between he and I. But anytime there is any discord between us I get worried. My happiness is going to leave. Why is my happiness wrapped up in him anyway? Am I not complete person without him? Capable of creating my own happiness?

I analyze every statement he makes, every thing he does. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong? Why do I feel this way all the time? What is wrong with me?

I am a very well educated intelligent smart person. Why can I not figure out how to deal with and express my emotions in a logical manner?????