My partner is having surgery tomorrow and I am a nervous wreck. I’m trying not to be outwardly, but my body is reacting to all this anxiety and its hard. She’s nervous too. It’s weird to see her nervous. From what I’ve read it’s considered a major surgery, but it’s a routine surgery. There is an unspoken energy in the air, we hugged a little tighter. Then it became spoken and she told me all her wishes “just in case”. We have talked about this before but I think I’m so emotional now because we have to be at the hospital in four and a half hours. It’s good that I’m crying. That’s a healthy release. So we had that talk and now I’m going to put on my brave fave and my smile until they take her to the O.R. . My mom will be with me and she’s been through a similar procedure so that is very comforting to both of us. She let us know kind of what to expect and questions to ask. The gay thing concerns me because we have no legal rights together as a couple in my state-and it’s at the VA hospital. But I’m on paper as being the one to make decisions and things like that and so far all the staff we’ve talked to and the surgeon recognized us as a couple and seemed fine with that, so it should be ok. I had a very disturbing SI thought tonight, I quickly pushed it away. I am all out of whack about the article I was a part of. It came out today and it was weird. That’s for another blog. I haven’t slept more than a few hours in the past two days and I’ve been up now for 24 hours. Lack of sleep is a huge trigger for me, but I just couldn’t sleep. I’m SO nervous.