I’ve been thinking about my past with SI lately. It has been such a long time since I was able to quit. The urges come and go, but I haven’t given in to it. I supposr that’s a good that’s a good thing. But something has been bothering me a lot lately. I know exactly what factors led to my SI; it was an unfortunate combination of neglect and abuse as well as stress. It bothers me that I was too weak to deal with seemingly petty issues when I’ve talked to some people that have suffered through unimaginable situations and found healthy ways to deal with the trauma. Why couldn’t I do that too? SI was my only effective method of dealing with what happened, but SI also caused more emotional instability. Did I secretly crave more emotional turmoil?