It isn’t easy to choose and choose and choose. Keep making the right decision. I am trying to replace destructive thoughts with kind thoughts. It starts to feel like it is going to happen. I find myself planning. Then see my hands and try to recall that they do nothing without me. I have power. Then I recall unskillful things I did today. Nothing bad but I got hurt on accident too many times not to be suspicious. That’s where I just need help. I still want so much explained me of how one goes about existing. The truth is I know now, writing this, that I was angry today. I must have been pushing it away. I don’t want to want to belly ache, whine, or get lost, drowned in my own generalized discontent. I want to be a good little soldier. No, I want to scream and fuss and take the world down. I don’t want to belly ache – will this ever go away. Is this everyday unhappiness?
The weather is changing and I am seeing my scars. I want to keep them….. But that is not what I want. I can stay close to skills, stay close to therapy…..
I have rage and I stead of internalizing it I can recall that that means I want something to change…..