the thoughts of self harm are slowly coming back. I have lost all self control. I eat way too much and it makes me so depressed because I will never lose the amount of weight that I want to lose. it upsets me because I will never be as skinny as I want to be. I will never satisfy myself. I am disgusting and I just want to self harm until all the pain is gone. but soon enough it comes back. and it’s the same thing over again. I hate not liking my body or myself for who I am but it’s hard when I don’t please anyone. I’m not beautiful or skinny or tall enough. I never will be. I will never meet anyone’s expectations and I know I’m being really negative right now but it’s all I can think of. I just want to relapse. it’s been so long. I don’t think I can go another day without it. I honestly just want to get it over with. I want to just relapse and hate myself all over again just because of it. I don’t know why but I love being sad. I don’t know if it’s normal or not but it honestly makes me feel normal. I want to relapse so bad but I know I probably won’t. well, at least not tonight.
I just want to say I just completed a post that was very similar to what you just said. I know exactly what youre talking about if nothing else. I dont know if I can be any support when im in this same state of mind right now, but I just wanted to reach out and say 3 things:
Hi.
Stay Strong, you can do this.
And last but not least, you are not alone in this, there is someone else out there who feels exactly what youre feeling.
Take care <3