I hate to say im back to zero. I sied before school. On my way to school i got the worst urge ever, and I just acted out on it. I hate that I gave in to it. I hate that I have to say Im back to sing but at the same time its what im sure to. I feel normal again. Like I can breathe again. I can smile and pretned im fine again. I hate this feeling. I hate that I have to think this way. I hate that si makes my life like this. Im sitting in a class talking about such heavier issues, and im thinking of si. I just want to si again. But not because I need it now. I just want it. Why do I want it. Nothing bad has happened again. I dont know. I hate myself for doing this. im full of hate formyself tonight. I should go, im too negative. I cant handle it. I just want to crawl into a hole and go away for a while. Im ready to go away and pretend i dont exist. Idk, i have to go now.