This is my first post on this site. I have been looking for some kind of online help with people that experince this everyday struggle like I do. Since this is my first post, I’m just going to write about how this struggle with self injury came about. I’d love to hear some of your comments for support, advice, and over all help. Just like I’m going to do for you all.
My struggle started in 6th grade. My parents had been going through a terrible divorce and my father wasn’t the best one you could have. Through out my life I had seen my father constantly hit my mom and his family. He also used cruel verbal abuse. When 6th grade came, I had completely dropped all vistitation with him and I haven’t talked to him since. It’s hard to have to throw your own father away but its better being out of that environment. So when this happened I didn’t understand why my own dad didnt care. Why wasn’t good enough? I turned to SI to help the over all emotional pain but on the scale of 1-10 I’d say I was on a 4 on the self harm scale. It wasnt the worst but its still self harm. I’m now almost 16 and I had stopped self harm everyday it was more of a trigger occurance that made me self harm. Now, I can say I’m on the 10 of the scale. The main trigger that made me this way was I lost my virginity a few months back and the guy now blocked me from his life and wont even look at me anymore. That feeling of not being good enough has taken over my body like a writer’s pen takes over paper. I’m trying to be happy but nothing seems to make me happy anymore. I feel lost and I have no where to turn anymore. I don’t know how to stop or even deal with this everyday struggle any longer.
I can totally relate to feeling like you’re not good enough. I’ve personally struggled with that, it’s a constant battle that I have to face everyday. It seems like no matter where you’re at in life, there is always something or someone that is able to make you feel like you aren’t enough. I know it’s easier said than done but you have to decide what/who is important to you and not worry about what everyone else thinks. In the end you’re the one who gets to decide your worth so you have to learn to value yourself. There’s a song by Tenth Avenue North called You Are More. I would really encourage you to listen to it because I think that it might encourage you with your struggle right now. Some of it goes like this, “You are more than the choices that you’ve made. You are more than the sum of your past mistakes. You are more than the problems you create.” Overcoming SI is a really big challenge and it’s definitely a process that takes time. Stay strong and don’t lose hope, everytime you stumble don’t forget to get back up again. I stay hopeful knowing that conquering SI will be worth all the struggles that I experience in the process. If you need anyone to talk to, I’d be happy to offer you support, feel free to email me at mac.miller@hotmail.com
First off, i’m glad you shared part of your story on here. That takes courage even if it’s fueled by desperation to find people who understand what you’re going through. I agree with the above comment as well. “You Are More” is a great song. So are “Beautiful” by Mercyme and “You Lift Me Up” by The Afters. The music videos are really good. Anyway, i could talk about music all day.
I understand what you’re going through. I went through a nasty divorce and custody battle with my parents. My mother and father are verbally abusive and my father sexually abused me. I haven’t spoken to him or seen him in years. He let me go and threw me away. It fueled my own depression and self hatred, contributing to self harm and eating disorders. I don’t want to talk about me, i just want you to know you’re not alone. In this fight, in this pain.
You are worth more than you’re treating yourself. You are a precious young woman with a lot left to do here. You are worth so much more than you’re being treated like. I’m sorry you lost your virginity to someone who doesn’t love and cherish you. He sounds like a total tool. I know how hard it is to feel rejected. I’ve felt the exact same way. I would always think things like “first my own father and now you too. If i’m not good enough for family of course i’m not good enough for you either.” The thing is, that’s not true. You ARE worth love. You ARE good enough. you ARE worth recovery. You deserve to be happy–not just deal with all of this pain, this struggle. I’m 19 now, but you remind me some of myself. I hope you realize your worth and stop hurting yourself. Other people do it often enough, we don’t need to hurt ourselves too. If you want to talk or vent or just know someone’s there, i’m here. kspaulding2@yahoo.com