I was trying … I was honestly trying not to use SI as a crutch. I know that you don’t notice whether or not I SI but if you did take notice to that kind of thing, surely you would have noticed how long I’ve managed without it. I haven’t exactly been doing well but I’ve been doing okay, I’ve been getting by. I was trying to do more than not SI, I was trying to be a better person too. I was I’m not anymore. I messed up and in the fall I realized that there’s no use in trying to be better … I can’t be better. I thought that I was finally doing something right, that I might actually be able to do something good for once. Thanks for crashing that fantasy, you helped me to see the reality of the situation … I am incapable of bringing any good to this family, or to anyone for that matter. I understand it now, I remember why I SI, I’m not and won’t ever be good enough. I’m sorry … sorry for everything.