I think I’m starting a turn around again. I went to a TWLOHA event a week and a half ago. And it was amazing. It made me think about somethings and made me a notch less self conscious about my SI. Its always such a sore topic for me, but after the event I felt a little more comfortable in my own skin again. I smiled more that night than I have in months. It was very encouraging. I’ve really been through the wringer emotionally since the end of last year, So its nice to feel like I’m at least attempting to get myself back on track. I haven’t SI’d in a few months now, I recently realized. While that’s a very good thing, I’m also trying not to think about how long it’s been because when I do, I start to feel anxious about it. Also I think part of the reason I haven’t is because I’ve been drinking instead. I know its no kind of substitute but I guess right now with everything going on I figure its the lesser of the two evils. I just wanna be better and happy at some point. I would like to achieve some kind of peace of mind at some point this year. I guess its like my unofficial goal. Its a rocky time of year for me though because my mom past away 5 years ago as of this month, so February is always a trigger for me. The good thing is this has been an easier year than most. Which I’m grateful for. I’m not at all OVER all of the miserable things I’ve been through since the beginning of the year, but I feel like I’m at least coming up for some Fresh Air.