I had a great day today, I fought through the dark feeling and enjoyed a surprise day off at the park on the water with my AA sponsor and her son and my partner. We spent quality time together, we even went on a date and saw a movie. After the movie I don’t know what happens to me!!!!! I feel like drinking so badly I’m going crazy and I SI’ed to stop it, the obsessive thoughts. I had a such a good normal day, I look happy and had a good no pressure no responsibilities time and then I went dark. I am experiencing this explosive anger, the kind I would have before my medicine a few years ago. I don’t want the medicine. I don’t want anyone, only my partner. And my parents but they aren’t here. If I had a car I’d drive it to go see them and have my mom and dad together hold me all day and keep me safe from everything. I want to drive 120mph and swerve in and out of cars because she got a boyfriend that’s probably why she hasn’t been talking to me! I hate her and my therapist and everyone and Maria who never texted me back this morning that’s such small gesture a text it takes .5 seconds! Whatever I don’t need her either definitely not her and I want to quit my job and only go to school because I love school. They tell you exactly what to do, simple directions to follow. Its a lot of work, a lot of new skills I’m learning but I can’t put it together I can’t get it together. I get this foggy feeling in my head and I can’t shake it I know I say that a lot but it’s so frustrating. I took a test in a class on Thursday night and I couldn’t focus at all becAuse of the fog and the obsession and this woman behind was reading to herself out loud and I hate her for that. It doesn’t matter I’m home now about to eat dinner but I don’t want to I don’t want to do anything I feel too impulsive I already acted on it so it should have gone away but it’s not and my mind is racing and it hates me and i try to explain it.