I found out about my 14 y/o daughter’s SI in Sept. She broke up with her bf and I saw a mark on her. It startled me and I completely overreacted. I went about it all wrong. I immedately looked up info on this and realized that I shouldn’t have freaked out like I did. I later went in and told her I understand that I shouldn’t have reacted the way I did and I was sorry. I told her had and he doesn’t understand at all. I, once being a teenage girl, understand the confusion and emotions that we go through because I lived it. I didn’t SI, but I was a mess mentally most of the time. I also did not like to talk to my mom…but I have had a good relationship with her in my adult years. I just talked to my daughter briefly and asked if she would like to meet the therapist. She said no. I asked her is she was suicidal. She said that “she wouldn’t come to me with her problems anyway”. I asked her if she considered herself “emo” because she looks exactly like that. She said “no, emo’s a style”. I found horror pictures on her tumblr the other night and I almost passed out. I confronted her about it and she said “you know I’ve always liked that stuff”. She has always been facinated by the dark…but she also loves cute things. She has always been very sensitive, but this has me worried beyond belief. I am always walking on eggshells…both my husband and I are. She gives us one word answers unless she wants something (I know this is quite typical for a teen anyway). Can anyone give me some thoughts on what or how I should approach her? I just told her that everyone needs a soft place to fall. She said she wouldn’t come to me. I told her I love her and that was that. I don’t know what to do but I’m tired and depressed because of this. I mean literally depressed – can’t sleep, can’t eat. I don’t work outside the home so I’m home all day dwelling on it. My husband is there, but not good with emotional stuff. I wish there was a simple answer. I pray every night and day that she will find peace. That our whole family will find peace. My heart goes out to all you other parents and kids who are suffering from this. I will pray for you…please send some prayers for us.
I would suggest you go into some therapy first. And then later introduce her into it. It sounds like you are dealing with some of your own feelings about your daughters individuality. And her injuring her self has nothing to do with her style of dress. It has to do with her emotions.
You are doing great! Meet her with empathy and love. You did something a lot of parents wouldn’t which was research and recognize how your reaction may not have been the one she needed. Just keep up the faith and love, your daughter may not be excepting of the love right now but there will come a day where she will see your consistent love and care and except it. I work in a facility for kids with mental illness and the thing they say makes the most difference is our consistent care for them. You’re are doing a great thing by reaching out:)
Hello. I have 3 daughters who all self injury on varying levels. One is a foster child who somewhat introduced the concept and techniques into our home, but honestly, SI is more prevalent with our teens that I think we may want to believe. I remember how devastated I was when I found out–it’s heart breaking. I would agree with you getting some support for yourself. It’s difficult to help your daughter if you are not “whole” yourself. Search out a therapist who is familiar with SI who can help you process your feelings. This sort of forum is also a good place to better understand and know that you’re not alone. Read and research. SI is highly misunderstood in our society because it’s scary and doesn’t make sense to those who don’t self injure. Unfortunatley, there are no simple answers and you are correct to acknowledge that it impacts your entire family. Again, put some support in place to help support you and educate yourself on how to best help. It’s a day by day journey, but you’re moving in the right direction.
Thank you all for your kind words of support. I did go to the therapist first…it made me feel a bit better…for a while. My daughter also saw her once last week and we are going again tonight. I just feel so alone with my thoughts. My husband is there but I can’t go on and on with my feelings with him. He is a take charge type of person but tends to overreact and stress about the financial side of this therapy, and in this case, I feel it might add to the stress we are already feeling. I don’t want to tell my parents because I feel like I would be betraying my daughter’s confidence and also worrying them too much. I also think my daughter might be anorexic – found some laxatives next to her bed this morning. I already know she has bizarre eating habits…doesn’t eat before school. I figured it was because she was depressed. I was bulimic for about 5 years in my teen years. I wrote her a long letter a couple months ago telling her about how I know it’s rough at her age (told her about my bulimia and other struggles) and that I am here for her. She did read it…it’s under her bed. I don’t know if she ever takes it out and reads it but I hope so. Do any of you go through your days worrying to no end? I wish I worked outside the home now because I find I am dwelling on this all day. I have another child, my son who’s 10 who I have to be chipper for and it’s so difficult these days. I’ve been taking fish oil, trying to walk every day to combat these feelings of insecurity and fear and depression…but it comes and goes. The weekend was ok, now I’m back to dwelling. I guess it’s a good thing my daughter is willing to see the therapist. At least that’s a start. I think I need to see her again too.