I had been doing so good…had not injured in two weeks, determined to prove to my therapist that I could control this.  Who am I kidding.  So tonight I gave in to the overwhelming urges and SIed.  I feel so cornered right now.  I ended up confided in a very dear friend about the SI.  Only problem in that is that her husband is the senior minister at my church.  So she ended up telling him about my issues Friday night.  I haven’t talked with her since.  I’m not sure what he’s going to do with this information.  I feel ridiculous, like some teenager waiting to get punished for misdeeds.  It’s 2:00 a.m and I can’t sleep.  I’m so scared of losing my husband over this if he finds out.  I’m scared that I will never feel “normal” again.  I’m also really really scared that someday I’ll take it too far….. I just feel so worthless and stupid.  I’m scared of being judged by everyone around me even though that don’t have a clue what I’ve walked through.  I just feel alone and scared.