I’m slowly becoming more overwhelmed. I’m stretched too thin and I don’t know what to do about it. I just want to tell everyone to stop, to give me a week to try to recover and then I’ll attempt to come back. I can’t hit stop though, everything just keeps going in fastforward-leaving me hopelessly farther and farther behind. I’m so edgy and moody lately. I’m not myself right now … or maybe this is me and my facade has just worn off, I don’t know. My mom asked me “what on earth?” and reached towards me earlier this week and I freaked out on her and got overly defensive, thinking that she was looking at a previous self-injury, when in reality she just thought I looked smaller than normal. I felt so awful for snapping at her but I couldn’t help it … I’m so jumpy lately. Then I began to panic all throughout the day because she noticed i am smaller and that my rings are a bit too loose. I’ve been working really hard to lose weight, tellling myself that if I lose enough weight I won’t need SI anymore. I know it’s not true but  it’s not that hard to fool myself and it’s helped me a bit. I’m just concerned though because I’ve been planning for some months now to allow an eating disorder to take the place of SI in my life. I’d convinced myself that with an eating disorder I’d at least be able to control something. Now I’m feeling concerned about that though, if it’s already being noticed to some degree what’s it going to be like when I fully commit to it? I just feel like I can’t handle the stress anymore. School has me so stressed out right now, my classes are incredibly hard this semester and I’m terrified that I won’t be able to get my grades up in time. I feel like all my walls are crashing down; at home, at school, and mentally. I’m falling apart and there’s nothing I can do to fix it, I’m barely here at all. I just want everything to stop so badly … I just need it all to stop.