I feel 14 again. She was yelling and yelling and I can’t drive away because I can’t drive manual. I was going to lock myself in the car but I didn’t have time. I SI’ed when she went outside to clean the doggie gate. I didn’t mean for it to be this bad I’ve never used that before. I didn’t know, ugh. I feel like I’m 14 and I did it for the first time and I panicked right afterward because I didn’t know what to expect. God I’m getting to a bad place and I need to get out. These slips are too close together. I can’t do this and do well in school and work at the same time. I can’t believe I did this I feel so stupid I never mess up like this. I am not dealing well with my boss situation and my sponsor hasn’t called me back in two days so I deleted her number I feel like everyone is leaving me. I know better, but it doesn’t change how I feel! I planned on coming home and taking a shower and going to bed because I’m exhausted. I just got home and she started yelling because of the dogs and I felt overwhelmed didn’t know what to do and totally let myself float into that numbness. Oh I feel so stupid and careless and weak. It’s not like  other places where winter clothes are acceptable right now, its warm and sunny. I am hoping this is a dream and I’ll wake up and I didn’t SI like that and I won’t feel like a nervous wreck.