I was doing fine.  I got this major urge today after I took a shower.  mom not sure where it came from. IM fine.  I’m exhausted yes.  Two jobs. Masters program Starting in a week. Volunteer. Like I have no life.  I don’t know how to find time to sleep.  like im worried I’m going to become overwhelmed.  I’m afraid that being this busy is going to take its toll on me.  I’m afraid I’m going to si to keep going.  I’ve had my tool with me for the last month.  Everywhere I go I have it with me,  just in case.  I haven’t acted out on my urges in over a week.  So I mean that’s good.  I’m happy. Well as happy as I can possibly be I guess.   Idk what real happiness is anymore..  The things that made me happy dont give me that satisfaction anymore.  The only think I really enjoy is reading.  I don’t even have time for that.  I’ve quit tv for reading and its made me happy.  With that I’m ok witH.  But the time that’s going to go to school work in a week is going to take away from the reading time and its going to.  I don’t know. I don’t know!