I don’t mean to write two posts in a row, but I need to vent and I think some who read this blog might understand- cause right now no one around me seems to get it.
I am getting a degree in a “helping profession”. We learn a lot about various mental health issues. I have mentioned this before, but in class if some discloses they are in recovery for alcohol or drugs they are looked at in a different light – they are respected more and what they have to say is valued. When it comes to discussing anything SI related it is a whole different atmosphere. Those who have/do SI are only seen as wrong, attention seeking or they automatically have Borderline Personality disorder. Sometimes I want to speak up and say my opinion but I am too afraid to get judged by my classmates and professors.
It irritates me that there is such a stigma even among those who are training how to effectively treat/help others. Yes, SI is not a healthy coping tool and we need to address some of the underlying issues. But just because I have SIed does not make me this bad, or crazy person with some difficult to treat personality disorder! Sometimes I wish I could just say that in class.
How come recovering addicts are accepted, but those recovering from SI are looked at so negatively? It makes me second guess myself and I start to believe there is something wrong. But I am not wrong. I grew up in an abuse environment in which I always had to be careful not to create waves or i would suffer the consequences. I couldn’t show emotion and certainly not express any negative feelings. I had to keep secrets about abuse. SI became that outlet because there was no other. I have worked tremendously hard on becoming a better and healthier person. Things aren’t 100% but I have overcome a lot. But these people would never see that. They would see the scars first and label me second because that is what is taught… And unfortunately SI is taught in context with Borderline… So these students who don’t understand SI may make that my label. This irritates me so much and I just needed to vent to others who may understand. I want to be a voice for others but how do I do that when my body clearly shows what I have done to myself?
Have you read the piece that was in the ny times about Marsha linehan? You may want to look it up if not– she comes out about her own SI history.
I do have the BPD label and in my mind that pseudo- criminalizing of people with the label is next to criminal. The mental health profession should be ashamed if their blaming of BPD. – big abuse background here too. Reeling from it right now- and so tempted…. Took years of therapy before I got the label because to much trauma was in the way of seeing what was going on below.
Yes. I understand. Yes. You are already being be voice. I am learning to express anger. Perhaps it is inappropriate to say here but I hate them for being so ignorant, judgmental– and having such potential to do damage by blaming people for behavior that makes them feel uncomfortable– but that’s how I feel. I despise all the judgment.
Thanks so much for the reading recommendation! It was beneficial for me at this time in my personal and professional life.
Diagnoses in general irritate me. Really looking at the criteria for all the various mental illnesses everyone could find they have/had a diagnosis of something at some point.
I just get annoyed at the total lack of respect or knowledge associated with people who SI – especially adults. Maybe one day my classmates will less judgmental do those who SI. I only wish I had the courage to be one of the people to help them with that. But the fear of judgement is too strong.
But it is nice to know that there are smart, intelligent, effective and compassionate individuals in the helping profession who have dealt with their own stuff and it’s totally ok that they have not always been “mentally healthy”.
I too am in a ” helping field” and when people talk about alcohol abuse it seems like everyone understands. They see it and think well that’s reasonable. But when people talk about si it’s like this taboo subject. Recently I had training for a crisis line and the subject of si was barely talked about. But substance abuse alcoholism and gambling was addressed over 10 2 hour courses. It makes me sad that si is looked at so negatively. So long story short, I know what you mean.
And thank you healing for that great article.