I feel broken inside and sad. I’ll probably want to be sick if I read this layer. Being so vulnerable and honest. I can’t seem to tell anyone, any person, how I feel now and lately. Even my therapist, I tell her everything, and my AA sponsor, but I can’t do it. I feel sad and on the verge of tears the last few days. I’m just overwhelmed, really overwhelmed financially. I misunderstood something my student loans and am a lot of money short for a car. Crying would be good for me. For someone as emotional and sensitive as I am, you’d think I’d cry more but I don’t. Not sober anyway. Maybe it’s twisted but in a way it was cathartic to me those late nights drunk because I’d cry and cry and cry ad that’s when I could feel everything that hurt me. Self injury is tempting to me now, but I don’t think it will make me feel better. Maybe I just have to let this run it’s course. I’m irritated with myself for running to people every time I feel bad. Maybe I should just stay in my head and not tell people how I feel like other people do. I think that could be dangerous. Coming out of rehab it’s so much easier to be open and vulnerable because that’s what they preach, AA the same, “secrets keep us sick”, but I just can’t do it, I feel so stupid and I can’t get the words out.