So this year I want to do 2 things for me. Read more and go to the gym. However going to the gym often brings back my urge to binge and purge. I try to be healthy but somewhere along the way I become my own enemy. I have come to terms with the fact that I will probably never be skinny. but going to the gym gives me that stress release and time away from my family that I need. but then I realize the food. I’m eating is horrible for me so I purge to punish myself. With this comes si and hating my body. So I guess the gym isn’t healthy in habits that it causes but I’m going to try to not go back drown that road. I’m going to try to stay positive and remember that the gym is to release stress not cause it. i would love a week just to myself. I’d read, sleep, go to the gym, read, then sleep, etc. but that’s just a fantasy I like to pretend will come true. Because in my life I don’t have time for any of that. it’s 11:11 ill make my wish and go to sleep. I ended last year with si, hopefully this year will be a change for the better