I am struggling – like really struggling. I had a very horrible and scary night last night and was afraid of what I was going to do. Not so much afraid of the actions, but afraid that I wanted to follow through with those actions.
I feel so incredibly alone and feel like I have absolutely no support and no one to turn to anymore. It is a horrible place to be. I don’t know where to turn. My husband tries, but he is dealing with his own things, and with our schedules we hardly see much of one another. I don’t want to be a burden or hear “things will be okay”. Counseling is done. I have reached out to make some friends, but everyone is busy this time of year. I need someone. I need something and I don’t know how to get it so I end up in a very isolating and helpless state and resort to various forms of SI.
I need someone to just sit next to me and listen. I guess maybe that is why I have been writing here so much lately. I feel at least someone out there reads and “listens” – at least for moment maybe. How do I ask for something that I desperately need but no one can give right now? I don’t feel comfortable with friends because I do not have any close friends where it would be appropriate to talk about this, my family is out of the question, and I have to be done seeing my counselor. It is so hard put any effort into anything anymore. I am not sure what to do or who I can turn to – besides the SI.