I can’t believe myself.
I’m nearing the end of this semester of college and it has been the worst one academically by far. I have two C’s, maybe two B’s, and I am FAILING a class. Yes, failing. As in if I don’t pass it, I won’t be able to graduate college.
I am a junior and this has been the hardest semester ever. I just really don’t know what to do. I’m so incredibly stupid and just unmotivated.
It has been a while since I’ve posted on this website…about a month or so. I have injured a few times in different ways…my usual way I have not done in nine months now. The only reason I haven’t is that my parents now ask me if I have done it so I have to be able to tell them no. They don’t think to ask about any other form of SI. I mean, who would?
My family is going through a huge crisis right now and I am finishing up a horrible semester at school to go home to chaos. I will probably drink a lot to distract myself from the urge and I will do anything I can to just not think at all.
You’d think I would be okay by now. But no. I’m just the opposite.
But I do know one thing….I am darn good liar.
I understand what you’re going through. I’m a transfer Junior in college and this is my first semester at my new school. It has been extremely hard to be motivated and care about things. I went to a counselor, to have someone to talk and it helped the first session. But the second session was just too much for me and I haven’t been back since. Have you tried seeing a counselor? Some people find it really helpful to talk to someone without judgement.
I’m sorry your family is going through a crisis. Is there anyway you can stay somewhere else so you can be away from it all?
I’ve learned how to lie well too. And to cover up recent wounds with make up or bracelets. I just don’t want my friends to worry, you know? I drink too to stop the urges. It helps blank out my thoughts and relax myself.But then when you’re sober again, it all comes rushing back. Do you have any positive outlets you do when you have a urge? Maybe exercise or writing or listening to music? Try to find something that distracts your thoughts but in a good way.
I’ll send you my email if you ever want to just talk about things. Hopefully it is an alright night for you tonight.