Ive been eating like crazy. Just binging away. its horrible. I feel sick half the time. im eating just to eat. im sick. i want to si. i hate myself in so many ways i dont even know where to start. not only am i putting on weight, im not working out, im not even sure where to begin. i keep staring at my old scars and realize i want to si so badly. i want to hurt myself in more ways than one. i want to hurt myself so i dont feel like this anymore. i dont want these emotions. i hate feelings. i hate having these constant thoughts, of having this crazy urge to hurt myself. idk im not making any sense.
It sounds like you don’t want the emotions and so you’re attempting to stuff them down with food or thoughts of S.I. What are the emotions? What if you shared them with someone? Even writing in a journal, using art to express them – any way to get feelings out in a more helpful way. We all have feelings, and we all need help and support now and then. I hope you’ll keep reaching out for it – just as you’ve done here.
You deserve to be supported through this hard time.
Take care, Pam