I’m not really sure what to do right now … the urge to SI is really strong. I really want to give in to it, but we have company over and I’m so limited in locations that it makes me nervous. I have to be extremely careful about where I do it because someone might notice. The only thing holding me back from doing it right now is the fear of being discovered, I don’t want anyone to notice. I thought that getting on the blog might help subdue the urge but it’s still there … really strong. I’m trying to convince myself that I can bury the things causing the urge until tonight and can act on them later but … I don’t know if I can wait. I want SI so badly right now but it would be hard to keep hidden from the company. I know that I’m just getting worse- wanting SI more and more. Although I recognize that I’m getting worse I feel that there is nothing for me to do about it. I’m merely excepting SI’s growing power over my life. I’m letting it consume me …