Ok, so this is my first time on a blog. I have never fancied myself a blog-user but I just need to talk tonight. I am 26 and I live alone… in more ways than one. I physically live by myself but I also have a double life, so to speak. I’m a survivor of childhood sexual abuse… I have PTSD. I keep a brave face for the world, for my family, for my friends. The truth is that I hurt. My heart aches. I have used S.I. in the past to cope. I’ve done well for about 4 months but tonight relapsed… It seems like it helps in that moment but then shame sets in because of what I’ve done and the process starts over. I feel so alone and yet so over-crowded at the same time. I often wonder if I am the only one who feels this way.