I’m not really sure how to start this, but I guess the beginning is always best.
I used to SI all the time. Starting with the most obvious of places. Moving to less noticeable areas. My parents had no clue, and I had no clue at first why I was doing it. I think it was just for attention at first, then it became more of a coping method. My parents acted..well I should say act like they never care. Yet when they “care” it’s only when I’m doing something wrong. I can never please them. Ever. I always find myself being compared to my siblings. Which is the worst feeling, like I’m not, nor will I ever be good enough. I used to see a therapist after my parents found out about the SI’ing. But soon enough they discontinued my treatment because they felt it was enough. It wasn’t. We were only getting started, we hadn’t even dented the surface of my issues. Regardless, I’m not better. Lately I’ve been thinking about SI’ing more and more often.
On top of it all I’m finding myself loosing more and more friends, mainly because I’ve been distancing myself from them. They always ask what’s wrong and I never want to talk about it. I find myself not being able to trust anyone except for myself. I’ve kept all this bottled up. Mostly because no one cares about my poor “I’m a victim” story. I’m just another person that is called a freak and judged for my ‘ways’ I guess you could call them.
I have learned to put on a good front though, the one positive of this all. I can fake my emotions more vividly than ever before. I guess that’s what comes with it though. I’m always sad. I never want to go anywhere or do anything or associate myself with anyone. Even at work it effects me. I mainly think about it at school though. It’s where it all started. Anyway, that’s that and I guess I can only try to get better by myself. Since I can’t get help from anyone else. No one seems to care enough to try.