Do you know how it seems like whenever there is a storm/natural disaster, basically anything that can bring families together it seems to have the opposite effect on mine.  Maybe it’s me.  I don’t know maybe I like to be anti social or maybe it’s the fact that I have this deep aching in my heart that can’t seem to go away and beyond the hurt, it makes me so mad!  I’m happy to be by myself.  That’s a problem right?  For further proof, I’m in my room, typing away on a laptop, my big brother is down the hall in my parents room watching Martin, and music videos. I honestly have no idea where my little brother is.  My mom is downstairs fixing dinner.  And when my dad isn’t annoyingly clomping up and down the stairs telling us to clean up before the storm hits hes downstairs working on whatever.  My dog is half hiding under my bed, half running around the house like it’s crazy.  So why am I so bothered?  I’m by myself, I’m writing, it’s storming.  My type of evening.  So why can’t I shake off this attitude.  Why!!!! Why do I wish I could go to a boarding school sometimes?  I just want to escape.  Run away from here and not look back.  Maybe I’m depressed, I wouldn’t be surprised ( the lights just flickered and I think I’m about to lose power)  I injure.  But, why do I feel like such a disappointment?  These are just some of what runs through my head before I injure.  My last relapse was a coupla weeks ago and I just end up feeling wortheless at the end but for some reason for a little while I feel nothing but pain and in a sick way, that’s refreshing.  Just so refreshing.  This aching in my heart just won’t procede to go away and it makes me cry and feel worthless and sometimes I wish I was incabable of having feelings because, at the end of the day I hurt and I don’t know why and I wish I could make it go away and I realized that dispite the fact I always say I’m fine I’m not.  I need help but I just can’t reach out.