I am losing it. I feel like I am crawling my way through every day just to make it longer without SI. It’s been eight months since I injured in the way that I normally do. I can’t say I haven’t tried other methods, but the one that I am mostly inclined to I haven’t done in eight months.
I’ve been going absolutely insane recently. So many things I feel are attacking me. I just feel hopeless and awful and just downright worth nothing at all.
So much pressure is on me to be okay.
It just frustrates me how I feel so guilty when I struggle with going back to SI.
Can’t we all just admit that none of us are “okay” and we never will be??
We are living in a world where being “okay” only means “I am going to put on this mask just like everyone else and pretend there is nothing wrong.” That’s NOT OKAY!
I am going to keep fighting the urge. I have to or I’ll never get over it. It’s just so hard when I have to act like I am the happiest person ever in front of everyone. I don’t mean that I want to sulk in front of everyone. I just don’t want to be fake.
I just want to be real and admit that I am not okay without the fear of judgement or guilt.
You’re right, it’s not okay to put on the mask and fake being okay. I know there’s something behind the mask that is worthwhile to smile and be happy about.
You’re not alone.
Feel free to contact me,
gdaem@live.com
Hope. Help. Recovery.
Thank you for posting this. When I read it, it made me laugh. And not in a way that I thought what you were saying was funny, but how accurate it is. We’re all trying so hard to be “okay” but why is it good to be “okay”, and wrong to not be okay? This mask we put on is exactly why we’re not okay, why we’re all struggling so much. So thank you, you opened my eyes to something I’ve been doing wrong all along, without even realizing it. Stay strong <3