I am losing it. I feel like I am crawling my way through every day just to make it longer without SI. It’s been eight months since I injured in the way that I normally do. I can’t say I haven’t tried other methods, but the one that I am mostly inclined to I haven’t done in eight months.
I’ve been going absolutely insane recently. So many things I feel are attacking me. I just feel hopeless and awful and just downright worth nothing at all.
So much pressure is on me to be okay.
It just frustrates me how I feel so guilty when I struggle with going back to SI.
Can’t we all just admit that none of us are “okay” and we never will be??
We are living in a world where being “okay” only means “I am going to put on this mask just like everyone else and pretend there is nothing wrong.” That’s NOT OKAY!
I am going to keep fighting the urge. I have to or I’ll never get over it. It’s just so hard when I have to act like I am the happiest person ever in front of everyone. I don’t mean that I want to sulk in front of everyone. I just don’t want to be fake.
I just want to be real and admit that I am not okay without the fear of judgement or guilt.