I feel dizzy at the end of a cliff.
I think that’s mostly what I have to say. But it’s not enough. Something has been different. I don’t understand but I do understand that getting scared out it, fighting it, is how I would get into trouble and that if I can float through I will be ok. But I’m troubled by not understanding. I have found a smile on my face a lot. It just shows up there. – reading that back, that is how I am experiencing a lot. Everything is “good” and there’s the physical me, but I feel separate and I think about hurting myself a lot. It’s not the sense of faking anything- it’s all really true, but it’s coming in on different channels and there are different versions of my experience happening at the same time. That is one of the ways I feel sometimes when I get mixed up.
Something me is questioning if it is ok to want to be heard. But I have faith that it is ok.