It’s been about two years and 3 months since the last time I posted something on here. I honestly can’t remember why I stopped, however I do know that I was still having problems with myself and SIing and they have not stopped. Of course in two years, things have changed drastically. I don’t want to get too in depth about it because that’s a whole other story and then some. I will say that I do have a daughter now and am no longer with her father. I took a break from school as well so I am behind in my college classes and I’ve also been having medical problems which have caused me to take an unwanted break from work. Currently my daughter is not living with me which has been more then extremely hard to deal with. I really only get a couple hours with her a week which is far from enough for me. I’m supposed to be moving in November and will be able to bring her with me then. For a while, during my pregnancy and months after I had my daughter, I stopped SIing. However, I have started once again and have been trying to stop but this time seems so much harder then the other times I’ve attempted to stop.  I made a promise to someone who is very important to me that I wouldn’t SI anymore, and I’ve already slipped up once and I’m scared that I may slip again if not more. I feel so much pressure to not disappoint this person yet at the same time the urges to SI have never been stronger. Life has been far from easy for me for the last 6-7 years and it just seems like every time it seems things are starting to pick up something happens and I’m 10 steps back from where I’ve started. Lately, I’ve been so moody. When I’m happy things seem okay but the minute I start feeling upset or sad its as if everything is falling down on me, there is no in between. Strictly happy or extremely sad. I’ve tried everything from writing, drawing, painting, photography, listening to music, and everything seems to fail. When I have an urge to SI I start shaking and get real fidgety and that’s all that’s on my mind, and it seems like I can’t shake the idea unless I do SI. To top things off I’ve been in a lot of pain because of my medical problems and feel as though I am becoming dependent on my pain medication. The medication is not helping my pain but if I take enough I do get sleepy and so when I start to get the urge to SI and I know that I can’t or I don’t want to slip up I end up taking my medication. I really want to stop SIing but I’m having trouble maintaining my urges and I feel like I am digging a deeper ditch then what I was already in. I need to get better for myself and for my daughter. I am just unsure as to what else I can do to get past my urges without turning to anything else such as alcohol or narcotics to numb myself. If anyone has any advice at all, it is more then welcomed. I really need as much support and help as I can get right now.