Hello all!  I am not in a crisis at the moment and I have found that is the best time to ask for help.  What do I mean?  Well, I have found that by asking for help before the bad stuff happens my support is all in place when I need it.  I’m looking to connect with others in the process of recovering from SI.  I have had a problem with SI since I was 18 (I’m now 37).  I once went nearly 5 years without SI, so I know I can do it.  I am almost up to 3 years now since my last “incident.”  It seems that when SI returns after a long absence, it returns with a vengeance historically, and I have a hard time stopping again.  I have recently gone through a manic episode (I’m bipolar mixed and have borderline personality) that had no emotional basis–it was all thought driven, and obsessive thoughts at that.  While I am currently coming down and not experiencing any swing in the other direction, I am ever watchful of those symptoms appearing since they usually do.  When I swing downward, I usually SI rather than make suicidal attempts.  I don’t know anyone among my friends who has this specific problem, so I am reaching out to the people here to see if anyone is in a similar situation–not in crisis, but wanting to prepare in the event that one arises.  My hubby and I are going through some financial stress, so my concern is that such  stress could trigger an episode.  I confess that fleeting thoughts of SI have entered my mind and quickly left again.  I take note of them and move on rather than obsess over them.  They have thankfully been few.  My case is different from many who SI–I have no history of abuse or trauma in my past other than losing some loved ones as a late teen/early 20s aged person.  No divorce is present in my family and I had a fairly normal, if not nerdy, childhood (I was picked on a bit for my nerdy habits).  I have a safe, happy home environment and marriage as well as a happy church environment.  I live near my family though they still struggle to understand what I go through at times.  Plus, my sibs are busy raising their kids and working full time, so I try not to bug them too much with this stuff.  I’ve cried wolf so many times over the years that I think they are almost numb to any suffering I tell them about.  I have an individual therapist I have been seeing for nearly 5 years, and happily so.  My pdoc is someone I have high regard for as well.  But sometimes I feel I am missing the support of peers–people who have firsthand experience with the same thoughts and feelings I have at times.  Are there any workshops that are like “refreshers” for how to cope with SI thoughts/emotions when they occur that are methods you can actually remember in a crisis?  I have recently revamped my “emergency box” which has inspiring music, copies of emails/cards/letters from supportive people, and Mandalas for relaxation.  Is there anything I’m missing?  I just want to be prepared so that hopefully the next time I am faced with SI urges, real urges, I can do something to combat them rather than give in.  I know they will come back eventually (they always do unfortunately).  I just want to do something positive with them for once.  Thanks all for reading my rambling post.  My thought processes are not as coherent as usual.  Lingering effects of the mania I suppose.  Any feedback would be appreciated.