I’m suppose to be doing homework…but instead i have isolated myself, been having urges to SI and my anxiety is horrible.I thought the longer you went free of SI the easier it would be. Today i had an exam and i think i failed it… then my next class i found out my midterm i did fail. I have a paper due, appointments, events just everything. I’m so used to dealing with all of this through SI. I’m really struggling and my eating disorder well i’m lapsing. I’m really depressed and i feel REALLY alone. I want to SI so badly right now and i’ve gone111 days without it… it’s getting hard to keep myself together right now. I feel like i NEED to do it, i’m a failure and should just drop out of College. Who cares about me? No one. I haven’t communicated with my friends and i know they’re all busy with school work so why bother them. They won’t understand… they think i should be over this by now.. i want to give up. I’m on the verge of giving up… i feel alone. Why not just do it if i’m a failure it goes with it, SI after 111 days i’m already a failure right? I don’t want to feel these emotions… i don’t want to talk to people and let them see how stupid i am. How much of a failure i am to everyone. I’m alone, i feel alone and i just really want to SI.
You are not alone. You have people you can talk to. You can talk to me. I know what you are going through. I have those urges too and anxiety. Its not always easy to kick SI. You are not always going to do well on every test you have. I have failed a few finals myself and ya it can be depressing. But you can get through it :). You’re eating disorder is going to be hard to deal with do. I know you can overcome it. Don’t give up! I care. A lot of people care. you are not a failure!. I know it can get hard but you can make it! 🙂
Every day you spend without SI is a victory that can’t be taken away, no matter how many times you relapse. Even if it’s just one day, it’s still another day of freedom. You have been so strong to go 111 days without SI! Those 111 days will stay with you. You’re not a failure, you’re just having a tough time. Breathe. I understand where you’re coming from, feeling like a failure, like nothing you do is good enough. You’re not alone. And your friends, if they really are your friends, won’t be bothered if you’re going to them because you need help. Life is hard, and we all need someone to lean on when it gets to be too much to handle. I hope this helps a little.
Stay strong <3
Thanks you too, it really meant a lot to me. I’m working hard and trying to be positive.. after that night my friend ended up telling me to contact her next time. She did make a point, usually when i’m down and i talk to her i feel better. She said if i feel like that again to just call her and she will be there. I just always feel like she has dealt with me and my problems, i felt like she shouldn’t have to deal with it again.
two not too .. sorry