Things do not feel normal lately. A lot of weird, not-so-good things have been happening lately. Nothing is horribly life altering, but nothing to be joyous about either. It is making me feeling oddly depressed and I want to SI just to stop this strangeness that I feel. I am so sad about things and overwhelmed. Nothing seems right. Nothing seems like it should be. Everything feels just slightly out of place and it is throwing me off. Then add on the bigger, not-so-great events, and I feel like my brain is on overload. I can’t handle it. I don’t want to feel like this. I imagine SIing, how it will happen, what I will do, and how it will feel. Something prevents me from doing it – well maybe a lot of somethings. But I can’t help but think how easy it would be to SI.
What do I do with these feelings if I can’t SI? Nothing seems to be effective right now for this negative weirdness I am in. I just want to be happy, and optimistic again. I want to embrace things and not feel like hiding all the time. I don’t want to feel like I deserve to be unhappy, if that make sense. I just want to feel like I belong in this world, in this place, again.