I spent the last 8 months devoting my life to you, practically worshiping the ground you walked on. Every time you told me you loved me, my heart jumped. I remember us spending hours talking about our future. Where we wanted to live, the jobs we would have, what we would name our kids. You said you wanted to marry me. I know we are young, but that meant a lot to me. Knowing someone wanted me, needed me, depended on me. You were so sincere, and i believed every word you said. I know we went through rough patches, but we always pulled through it. When you cheated, i forgave you. When your mom moved away without telling you i was there for you. When your brother committed suicide, i was at your side while you cried. When you finally admitted your dad abused you, i was there to kiss and wipe away your tears. When i was sad, you held me in your arms and whispered it would all be okay. Everything seemed perfect. I know when we were in school last year, things were rough for awhile, but once summer hit and we spent every other day together everything was good. We didn’t argue, we were happy. I finally made the decision to give you my virginity. I gave you the biggest part of me, and that was a big leap of faith for someone with major trust issues. You knew about all my problems prior to beginning to date me. I told you about my anxiety, and depression, and self harm, and trust issues and separation anxiety. I didn’t want you getting into a relationship and not know what you would have to deal with. You readily agreed, you stood by me when i needed you and supported me. All the times we would sneak away to be alone at lunch and just cuddle and talk made me so happy. School started again, and you began to act distant. All of our plans began to fall through, your texts full of excuses. “I have to go to my grandma’s”, “I have to fill out job applications even though i”m barely 15 and won’t get hired”, “My dad said no…” I believed it, but after the 5th and 6th time, i started to get curious. I know your dad hated me, but he didn’t have a problem with us hanging out over the summer, so why now? When your dad outright called me names, and told you i was probably cheating on you because i’m a lousy person, i dealt with it because i loved you. The last time we hung out, the second week of school, we had sex again. You told me how much you loved me and that you wanted to be with me forever, that nothing could ever change that. That weekend, our plans fell through again. You were staying with your brother. I was so worried about you, i know you had alcohol problems in the past but you promised you stopped drinking months ago. I know you used to drink with your brother, but still i trusted you when you said you wouldn’t. We talked all night about our future, and getting married, and you promised a ring for me before Christmas. The next week, we got in a fight at lunch, over something stupid. You wanted to go to the library to play a game, but got mad at me for telling you to go. “If i go, you will get mad and guilt trip me into coming back like you always do… Your just like my dad…” That stung, knowing you view me in the same way as the man who abuses you. we argued about it, but that night you said sorry and told me you loved me. I went to bed hoping everything would be okay. The next day at school, you avoided me. At lunch you seemed okay, and we snuck away as usual. I was still sad, and i’m sorry i was having a bad day, but you started acting weird, and distant. You kept saying i deserved better. I asked you if anything was going to change and you said no. The bell rang and we walked to class, i hugged you and whispered “Please, don’t let anything change.” You gently pushed me away and told me to go to class. I cried as i walked into my last period. I could tell something was wrong. you texted me and said “I can’t do this anymore. I’m sorry.” I didn’t know what to think. You said you wanted a break, a week or two just to clear your head and let you think. I agreed heartbroken. Days went by you ignored me, and i got angry. I tried having my friends talk to you, to tell you that i still wanted to be with you. You refused to listen to them. As a joke to my friend a note in our locker, blew everything away. Dear Kendall opened the locker and saw the note i wrote for her. It was a heart and it said “eff you :)” I didn’t think anything of it… The next day, you texted me. “I was going to say i was ready to get back together, but now that i have seen the note in our locker, never talk to me again, we are over.” I texted you trying to explain but you wouldn’t listen. you pushed me away in the hall, so hard i almost fell. I walked away, breaking down. Now, it has been 3 weeks since we broke up. You admitted about lying to me, about stopping drinking. You never did. You lied about stopping smoking. You cheated on me twice. You say you want to be with me, you say you love me but you just can’t handle my depression and my anxiety. My depression and anxiety had gotten better over the last 8 months, you had helped me get better. I don’t understand. What changed? Why don’t you want me now? If i had acted happier, you would still be mine. I still love you and I want you back. I don’t want any other girl to hold your heart. Everyday i see you, smiling and laughing, while i’m breaking apart inside. I feel like every piece of me is falling apart and i’m not sure if i will be able to pick them all up again. I agreed to go to the homecoming dance with Anthony. As friends. Today, sitting at the park where we would always hangout after school, I was alone. Thoughts of you, that i had been pushing into a tiny box in my mind, came creeping back. I began to think of all the promises i had made to you. The one you had made to me. All the times we spent in that park, were happening right before my eyes, and i wanted to cry. I feel so guilty about the dance. I feel like nothing i do will make this pain go away. I want to self harm, but I don’t know if I would be able to control myself once i started. I feel like everything is my fault, like I pushed you away. Please I just want you to come back. I want you to need me again. I want you to make me feel special again. I don’t think i can ever feel the way i did about you, about someone else. I don’t know how much longer i can handle these thoughts, these feelings. I just don’t know where to turn.