I started to SI when I was 14. I’m 18 now and a freshman in college. Within the past year with the help of an awesome therapist, I really haven’t been doing it much. I went 6 months totally SI free, which is the longest I’ve gone since I’ve started. Of course it’s been hard and urges come up when I least expect them to. But recently the urge has been stronger. Two weeks ago I broke down and had an episode of SI. It’s all been related to this guy I was in an intimate relationship with who started to play head games with me. He said something that was very hurtful to me and refuses to acknowledge that it was a terrible thing to say to someone. We broke it off and have little contact. We do have a class together so total avoidance is impossible. Today I wrote him a note, trying to patch things up. I didn’t want him back, I just wanted to be civilized because of class. He reacted negatively, and told me that he could have hurt me so much worse and that I deserve it. He even brought up the SI and used it against me, calling me a drama queen and saying that I just wanted sympathy. I know he is not in a good mental state himself and that this really isn’t about me, but it still gets to me. After this last argument I just want to SI so badly, but I know it’s not worth it. This whole situation brings up so many issues that brought me to SI in the first place, and sure I’m used to triggers, but I’m not used to one situation bringing up so many triggers. I’ve been writing, drawing, playing guitar, anything to get my mind off SI. But I feel like there’s an hourglass winding down and I can’t tip it over to stop it. I feel like I’m set up for failure. I try not to think like that. I try to think of all the other ways I can deal with this, but it’s really getting hard. I’m so afraid I’m going to cave, and I really don’t want to, not over him.