My daughter Tessa (11 y/o) has several severe mental illness and she also SIs. I have never heard of this until she started doing it. A lot of people just don’t understand her and even create their own ideas about what type of child she is based on this fact. Teachers, school nurses, and even child protection services believe that we are just not watching her properly. She has several therapists, counselors, in home social workers, and has been admitted several times. I don’t know where else to turn our family is falling apart beneath us and she is unable to deal with all the extra stress. If there is anyone out there with any comments or suggestions I’m all ears.
Hi Tessasmom,
If you would like, feel free to contact me about this. I think it may be better to have a discussion of this nature in relative privacy.
I am a psychology student focusing my interests and research in non-suicidal self-injury, and I would be more than happy to give you any help that I can regarding your situation
gdaem@live.com
Rory
To offer some advice though; there has been some recent research that suggests that SI fits in the addiction framework. So, like some individuals who smoke cigarettes or use illicit substances, people who engage in SI may feel the same ‘relieving’ effects. That being said, triggers may be much the same as well; family stress, personal stress (relationships, mental health, self-esteem, etc.) and your daughter’s overall environment can play a huge factor on her actions.
It sounds cliche, but it’s true, that keeping an open relationship with her and checking in (not to the point of overwhelming her, to which she may classify as nagging) to make sure she’s okay, is one of the simpler things to do. Giving her her own space when she wants or requires it sometimes too, but be careful that she’s not taking advantage of this to injure.
As far as the teachers and other people poking in; they have to realize and know that self-injury is (apart from the rare exception) NOT a suicide attempt,but rather a coping mechanism to allow the person to deal with the stressors they’re facing. The analogy that I use is smoking; much like someone who has had a hard day at the office, they go out at lunch time for a cigarette and feel ‘ahhhhh… That’s relaxing.’. It’s the same feeling for someone that self-injures, but a different addiction,
People say ‘why do (insert behaviour here)? That’s so stupid.’ They do it because it works for them.
It can be extremely difficult to handle self-injury, especially when you have to watch a loved one struggle with it. Don’t give up 🙂
You can look at some research by Matthew Nock (Harvard University) for some research, and I’m sure the wonderful staff at S.A.F.E. Alternatives would be glad to aide as well.
I got my information from research I have done, and from past personal experiences regarding self-injury.
Feel free to contact me,
gdaem@live.com
God bless
Hi Tessasmom 🙂
First, as a girl who wishes her mom would try to learn about SI, thank you. Many people pretend it’s not happening or just some sort of attention-seeking behavior. Just trying to understand why this is happening is a huge part in coming up with a solution. There may be something that sets her off into wanting injur. Maybe stress or depression? Something that might help after finding out the driving force behind the SI, is coming up with an outlet. Instead of harming when she’s upset, she could write in a journal or go for a walk. Art can do amazing things for coping. Even if she draws all over a piece or paper instead of her skin, that’s an improvement. Knowing that she has your support is comforting to her, even if it’s deep down and not coming out right now. I hope I helped a little.
Good luck! And truly, thanks again.