I feel so aware of every second I’m alone or unoccupied. My SI urges have gotten really frequent the last few days. Long line at work and I’m alone and I get overwhelmed, I need to SI. Sitting in the car for a few minutes alone, I need to SI. Upset when my girlfriend throws the car keys at me, I need to SI. The waiter puts a bottle of wine beside me, I need to SI. My mom going through one her episodes, I need to SI. Everything feels overwhelming. I don’t want to get out of bed, I don’t want to go to work, I don’t want to shower or feed my dogs or talk. The only thing I feel like doing is laying in bed with my pillow over my eyes. I think I know it will pass, it always does. Some times it takes hours, sometimes it last for months. I think maybe I need to do exactly the opposite of how I feel and force myself to get up and do things. It’s so hard to get out of these places. Every time it feels impossible 🙁