I don’t understand how I managed to slip into such a depressed mood in just a few hours. I literally have no idea why I’m feeling so hopeless right now. I feel so incredibly lonely right now in my struggle. The urge to take a permanent out is so strong right now. I haven’t felt like cheating and just quitting in a long time. The impulse caught me totally off-guard and I really had to work to not act on it immediately. Though I’ve managed to push permanent solutions to the back of my mind, I know it’s only a matter of time before the impulse resurfaces with a renewed vigor. I wish I could talk to someone but my friends are too busy to listen to my problems and I don’t like calling the Hotline because I totally freak out and hang up or I just can’t say anything at all. I guess I’m just wishing that I wasn’t alone in this because I’m not confident that I can handle it on my own anymore.