Although SI seems to be a very personal and private thing for me, sometimes I just feel like screaming it out that SI is a part of who I am. I am not sure why this feeling happens. Sometimes I just hate hiding it all the time. I hate knowing that it is a part of me that says a lot, but no one can see or know that. I hate that I fear judgement, but I long for compassion and understanding. Some days I just want to be heard, and that is difficult when it can’t happen becuase I won’t disclose this thing about me. I find myself pushing up my sleeves around people, just to test the waters and see if there is a reaction. Is this wrong of me to do? No one ever reacts or notices anyway. Sometimes I am just desperate to not hide this part of me.
I feel people have this perception of me but they don’t see the true me – and they can’t because I don’t show it. If they did would they still think I am this naive person who doesn’t have a clue about life or struggles? I want to blurt out all that I have survived but I know I won’t. I am stuck with knowing people see one side of me when I want them to see the other.