I relapsed again. This is the most I’ve self injured in about a YEAR. And I want to do it again. I want to relapse again, until I lose who I am completely. I want to break down, I want to let out everything hidden beneath my eyes, inside my heart. The duct tape I fixed around my heart has been ripped off again; the stone wall has been broken down; and I just want to go back in the rabbit hole.
I know that I can’t do any of it: and I’m not even trying to stay clean for myself. One of my best friends wants me to get over this problem, and she told me about this butterfly project. She told me about how when you want to self harm that you draw a butterfly on your wrist, and when you self harm, you kill the butterfly. I just did that, and I don’t care. What I do care about is that Melly is going to be so disappointed, and I just don’t want her to see me like this; so far back in the dark that I can’t see anything.
Goodnight everyone. Have a great life <3
i know exactly how you feel, trust me. but sometimes, relapse is a major part of recovery because it proves that you are strong enough to make it through the difficulties that life throws at you. and i know that once you are in that dark place, that nothing seems worth it and relapsing seems like your only option, but i promise you that everything will work itself out. and your best friend will understand. i mean, sure she might be disappointed at first but it’s not because you relapsed, it’s because you are okay with hurting yourself ((when i guarantee that she cannot stand that thought)). the butterfly project can be helpful for some people, but for others, it just doesn’t prove to be beneficial. ultimately, it’s your choice whether or not you participate in it. but just remember that you aren’t alone if you relapse, because even those who are self injury free for years on end, can have those days where it takes them back to the beginning of their journey to recovery. STAY STRONG, I PROMISE THINGS WILL GET BETTER<3
I understand what you mean . I only ever wanna stop because of others . I just relapsed the other day after like 5 months clean.I agree with the other comment its never so much that I injured why my friends were just disappointed because I didn’t see the problem with it and they knew that there was a reason for what was going on . And I think thats what scared them the most . But there is a light at the end of the tunnel so keep your chin up . There is always something or someone that make the journey worth wile where I wish I could give you some great advise where you can have all the support you need I don’t even think I can give that but I can say find someone or something worth staying clean for. Thats the only thing that got me 5 months with out self injury . If you wanna talk I am pretty much always on email because I get it on my phone.
Mary
blueyedginger717@Hotmail.com