I relapsed again. This is the most I’ve self injured in about a YEAR.  And I want to do it again.  I want to relapse again, until I lose who I am completely. I want to break down, I want to let out everything hidden beneath my eyes, inside my heart. The duct tape I fixed around my heart has been ripped off again; the stone wall has been broken down; and I just want to go back in the rabbit hole.
I know that I can’t do any of it: and I’m not even trying to stay clean for myself. One of my best friends wants me to get over this problem, and she told me about this butterfly project. She told me about how when you want to self harm that you draw a butterfly on your wrist, and when you self harm, you kill the butterfly. I just did that, and I don’t care. What I do care about is that Melly is going to be so disappointed, and I just don’t want her to see me like this; so far back in the dark that I can’t see anything.
Goodnight everyone. Have a great life <3