It’s funny how things work out. I’ve been really struggling today and for the past two weeks or so. I feel like I am on the brink of a relapse and I don’t want that to happen. It scares me to death to even mention relapsing. I always say that it’s a part of recovery, but I wish it didn’t exist. It makes the stress of life even worse because I always think I’m going to relapse, even if I haven’t gotten the urge yet.
So I decided that I was going to post on here a minute ago while I was writing my third paper this week (I have 6 due in one week…) and I’m just thinking wayyyy too much. I’m beating myself up for everything I say do, think and feel. So once I get to this site, I realize what today is.
Today is exactly 7 months from the last time I self injured…
I am 7 months SI free as of today. Maybe even this hour. This is the longest I’ve ever gone, and way past the goal i made for myself. I wanted to make it 6 months, and I’ve made it 7.
Now, I’m not going to just give up because I made it past my goal mark. I’m going to try my best to continue. It’s just hard. I feel I have no one to talk to anymore. Sure, I have my counselor I go to…but that’s once a week and for like 40 minutes and we really don’t have enough time because 30 minutes is spent with me explaining my crazy week (because there is ALWAYS something crazy going on…I honestly don’t even have time to be writing this but i’m going insane…) and then the other 10 minutes is her interjecting randomly. I just wish my friend situation was like it was last semester. My two best friends were always there when I need it.
I just feel like I’m fending for myself…and I feel like I am going to fail this way. I’m so scared.